I found myself inside a group I had only just met. All girls — all living together in a big house — all close to each other even controlling each others lives — all moving through life in a way that felt very far from mine. Different habits. Different friendships. Different reflexes. And more importantly, different assumptions about what is normal.

Maybe they had easier lives than I did. Maybe not. I cannot know that for sure. But after talking to some of them, I noticed that a few did not seem to come from the kind of friction, instability or difficulty that shapes how you read people and situations. That may have something to do with it. Or maybe it doesn't.

Still being around them showed me something I probably needed to see up close.

No matter where you go

No matter where you go, there will be people very near you who think in ways that feel almost hostile to your nature. Not evil. Not always openly aggressive. Just built on a logic it's impossible for you to respect and sometimes cannot even understand.

First started seeing it in small things: tiny gestures, the way they react under pressure, the way they explain their decisions, what they expect from you, what is missing when you need something. What feels natural to them can feel unbelievable to you. That happened to me a lot during that trip.

During some deep conversation I was lucky to realize people in that group was coming from a very different life. Even seeing that world from the inside expanded my perspective. Their routines. Their lifestyle. Everything was interesting to watch. The observer I turned into was real good.

When something happened, the place my mind went and the place their minds went were not even on the same map.

When conflict happened

That difference became impossible to ignore some conflict in the house. Had an argument with flatmates of my friends and basically I wasn't wanted there anymore. Deep realization happened after my friend accepting mates decision instead of trying to find a middle ground. She did not say, "My friends don't want this, but he came here for me, so I need to find some middle ground." She did not try to hold both realities at once. She said she had done everything she could and that I needed to understand her. Meanwhile, I was the one completely pushed out.

At one point, she had to call and ask for permission just for me to enter the house. Then after all of this, the expectation somehow became that I should apologize. I still can't put the pieces together about their rationale.

What stayed with me is the complete lack of a shared center. No attempt to meet halfway. No real space for my side of the experience. Just a quiet assumption that her reality was the full reality. That was exhausting.

The lesson

But here is the lesson is not that they will disappear. They won't. People like this will keep entering your life in different forms. The lesson is that when the gap is this wide, when the difference in values and reasoning is this obvious, you should not stay too long hoping mutual understanding will magically appear. This time I was late.

Stayed in situations that made me smaller. Treated them like experiences to absorb, as if endurance itself was maturity. Maybe some of it was useful. But next time as soon as realize I'm getting smaller and smaller, It'll be time to leave.

Some differences are not meant to be negotiated. Some people are simply too far from you. And accepting that early is cleaner than trying to turn it into harmony.